yeah i miss talking to you too. I know what you are saying. I have had to face myself in many ways this past year, and it has not been easy. Well, I suppose mostly, it has not been easy on other people. I have been questioning myself, my faith, my friendships, all of it. It is not easy to step outside of yourself and look down. It requires honesty, and most of all, it requires non-apathy. I realize that I am not happy in many ways. Why is this? Why does the world have to suffer such severe scrutiny from my eyes? Does this allow me to really see? Or just to see what I want to see... I think a lot of my attitudes, and the reason I don't have many deep friendships lately have a lot to do with past pain too, as you described. Loving and losing is never easy, and it haunts all that you do for years. I don't understand it. Joe is helpful to me in that he just lets me be what I am. He loves me for who I am, now, all messed up and weird...and whatever I figure out along the way, he is quietly there to listen and support me. Any way you look at it though, there are many hard questions that I sometimes have to stop myself from asking or I will just go crazy...like you said, just take a walk and enjoy the sun or the Chattanooga sites or food just in and of itself. I hope that I come out the other side of all of the current mess in my head a better friend, wife, etc. But most of all, I just hope that I find whatever it is that I am looking for so I can stop judging others so harshly. Not that there won't be things to judge, but just that I will grow to be indifferent to these things. I don't know....that's not all of it, there are many deeper things there. One thing I have enjoyed this year, however, is working for work's sake. I go to work, I come home. I kind of like not having this huge demanding career with people's lives in my hands (i.e. when I thought I wanted to be a doctor). Maybe I will grow up and get a "real job" soon, but maybe not. I don't care. For now, I think I will take a walk because it's nice out and I don't have to work until 5. Hope all is well in NC. I know Carlacita misses you a lot. Her new location seems like it will be awesome though =) Any time you wish to talk, I am here...we don't study biology anymore together, but we can still be friends, right? Remember that biology poem I wrote you? I found it the other day and remembered all of those stupid long long late nights, and how bad of a study partner I must have been because I always got us off track talking about nonsense and taking frequent breaks to eat and generally do anything but study =) Still, we made it through! Anywho...peace Bradley. Hope NC treats you well.

Oh, wifey says hi